Wife is not for beating....nor is she a slave

The violence against women was terrifble....

                                                        

                                                           Wife is not a slave

GOMITI SHAH, A 2-22-YEAR OLD WAS MARRIED TO a Gujarati Marwari, six years ago. Five months after her marriage she went back to her parent’s house, with complaints that she could no longer stand the violence to which she was subjected.  She stayed with her parents in the village for five years.

In May this year, her in-laws visited the village and asked her to come back. She was reluctant, but the village Panchayat met and decided for her, she should retune, the in-laws had promised that no one would ill-treat her.  It is reported that she then said “you will never see me alive again.”

That is precisely what happened. Gomiti’s life, once came to Bombay can only be described as a living hell. She came to live with her husband and in-laws in a one room chawl of the Maharashtra Housing Board at Abhudyaya Nagar.  Kalachowkie.  The neighbors say that every night after Gomiti’s retune they heard screams:  “Bachao bachao, amma mujhe bachao”. “Mainjal rahi hoo” (I am burning, save me).

She never left her room. The neighbors, after two months of hearing her daily screams, tried to intervene.  They wore a petition and someone from every chawl signed it asking for some action, for they feared the girl would die.  They gave the petition to the police station at Kalachowie.  In the Commissioner of Police, to the Headquarters of the Maharashtra State Housing Board. But no action was taken in fact, in fact, the neighbors were told.  “Why are you interfering? Is she a relative of your?

Towards the end of September, her uncles, who lived in Bombay, attempted to meet Gomiti but her in-laws refused.  So they filed a complaint at the police station.  Three days later.  Gomiti and her husband were brought to the police station. “You could see that she was being ill-treated: her body was swollen.” The police asked Gomiti in the presence of her husband: “are you being ill-treated?” Obviously, she answered “no” she knew that if she said “yes’ she would still have to go back to the same house, and then the beatings would become even worse.

Five days later, Gomiti was taken to hospital. She died whilst being admitted.  The doctor and the Coroner saw her body.  It was swollen and there were black and blue marks all over.  There were burn marks on her thighs and stomach.  They ruled out all possibility of a natural death.  The husband, mother- in-law and sister-in-law were arrested.

The “Nari Attyachar Virodhi Manch” (Forum against Rape) saw the news item in the papers and investigated the case.  On October 25, a demonstration was held at Abhundyaya Nagar to mourn and protests the death of Gomiti.

The response of the women was tremendous.  Over 150 women from the area came out on the streets and demanded that the entire colony be told about the horror of wife-beating.  They walked all round the colony, stopping at various points in front of houses, in the park, in the market place, and themselves told the people about the incident.  They talked about the necessity for women to unite to stop this sort of atrocity on women.  They marched to the police station and demanded justice for Gomiti. They insisted on going to the house where the mother-in-law and sister-in-law were staying, after having been released on bail. “Aurat Koyi gulam nahin-marne walla insaan nahin” (a woman is not a slave: a person who beats is no human being). They shouted.

This “right” will end only when women themselves begin to say “Go” and when they unite to stop this treatment. It is heartening to see that such a change is slowly coming about.

                                                                              

                                                                                                                    NOVEMBER   8^TH, 1980

                                                           SHE

                                               Wife is for beating

                      RECENTLY, at a middle class housing colony at Bandra there was a screaming of a woman which pierced through the brick walls.   “This happens at least once a week”, my friend explained.    “Her husband beats her up, and for, the next few days she does not move out of the house.   When she comes out there are bruises on her face.   She keeps away from all of us.   I’ve often tried talking to her … but she rarely responds.”

                    The most common perception of wife beating is that it occurs in lower class households.  And that educated men do not beat their wives.   But is this really true?   The lower class woman has nowhere to hide.  So everyone knows about the beatings; the middle class woman can hide in the privacy of her home.

                   “I felt so ashamed, and so embarrassed about the fact that my husband beats me.   I thought.   If I told anyone they would think what sort of woman is she to have stood for such a foul act.  The few times I have spoken to women – friends, neighbor who knew what was happening, or relatives, they asked me;   what do you do that he gets so angry?   It was as if I was at fault.   So I stopped telling anyone.   And in my embarrassment I stayed more away from people, and became very lonely and isolated.”   

                  How does a woman who has been beaten feel?   And the beatings don’t have to be regular for her to feel this way.   “The first time I was astounded I did not believe that this could be happening to me.   After that I have always lived in fear – will he beat ne today.   You are always watching yourself, always being very careful.   And the effect it has on the children.   They also live in constant fear … will he beat her today?  I get so worried about my children.   How will they grow up?   They are so confused … they both love and hate the father.”      

                                                                      *****

                 A WOMAN who is beaten is often told that it is probably her fault.   Her fault may mean anything – if she said anything which he did not like.   If she had not cooked a meal in a particular way, if the house is untidy.   Implicit in this viewpoint is that the husband has a right to beat his wife if she does not behave according to what he desires.   Implicit is the belief when he married her, he married to get a slave to do what he wants, and if she does not so he have the punishment is violence.

                               The psychological effect of this treatment on women is that after a while she begins to have severe doubts about herself.   Maybe she is inferior.   Maybe she is somehow responsible.   Maybe she needs to be taught.   And this leads to her withdrawal into herself.

                 “My husband kept telling me that I was stupid and that is why he beat me.   I believed him for five years.   Then I said, is it true.   So I began to try out fancy dishes.   I began to sew.   I began to keep a garden.   It was only then that I realized that I was not stupid, and that there is nothing wrong with me.”

                   Very often, because a woman does not leave her husband people say that she enjoys the beatings.   But there are currently very few alternatives to help women to live an independent life.

                   “I’d like to leave, but I have no place to stay.   I could taken up a job I had always wanted to work after my college but my husband say no.   But where can one live?   Getting a place in Bombay is so difficult, and if I stayed alone I am sure that my husband would find out and beat me again.   The fear would not reduce.”

                    There is currently no legislation against wife beating, and it falls under the general category of assault – Section 324.   But a police officer of a station said   “we tend to treat the matter as a civil case, and don’t take too much notice of it.   We may call the man to the station and tell him he shouldn’t do such a thing.   If the beatings are very severe we will take the woman to the hospital.   If she insists on filing a case, we take down a report”!

                    But where is the woman to go after this?   She could go to one of the women’s recue homes run by the government.   But if she has children over the age of eight, then the children would be sent to a children’s remand home.   Which mother would want that, knowing the conditions of the remand homes and how they are run?   Or else the children would be sent home; and often the violence directed against the woman will; be directed against the children.

                                                                    *****

                    A WOMAN can leave her husband for cruelty but it is grounds only for a judicial separation and not a divorce.   The particulars differ for each community but this means that it takes a minimum period of some years before a woman can get a divorce.   It is essential that laws be changed to make wife-beating a ground for immediate divorce.   Custody of children is another problem.   A woman can get custody but all these legal procedures take time, knowledge and money.   All this makes the choice more difficult and troublesome.